randombabblingsfromtronoh

It's Simple.

2011-09-12T13:36:00.001+08:00

"My endless miserable nights give me one simple choice, it's either Jim or Jack."

The Princess.

2011-09-12T13:19:00.002+08:00

"Never under-estimate the power of stalking. It might give you a chance to be in bed with a princess, I believe."

When We Have Each Other, We Have Everything.

2011-08-12T02:34:00.004+08:00

"It's raining cats and dogs outside. This barren land is terribly cold, three layers of clothes don't do much better. Add that coldness to the burden of terribly lonely soul, you have madness. Luckily I have my drink, and you to stalk. I looked at my Jim Beam, and said,

"When We Have Each Other, We Have Everything."

I know Jim very well, he won't disagree."

Of Women.

2011-08-12T02:28:00.002+08:00

"Ah, women, what can I say about women, for the first two, three months, they did well. I mean, we did get along well, they keep me sane. After that, they always tend to drive me insane."

Ears & Mouth, Sealed.

2011-08-06T04:36:00.003+08:00

"I don't want to hear it. I won't lend my ears to it. I don't want to hear something I don't want to hear. And I certainly don't want to talk about something I certainly don't want to talk about."

Simple Math.

2011-08-06T02:21:00.000+08:00

"My math is simple. Add you to a miserable me, and it becomes us."

Well, You Just Need To Sit There.

2011-08-06T02:03:00.001+08:00

"There's a special chair in my heart where you can sit forever."

Special Interest.

2011-08-06T02:02:00.000+08:00

"Tonight, we found each other again."

Time That Tell The Tales.

2011-07-31T00:20:00.001+08:00

"I'll trade you my heaven for your hell, anytime."

Musing On Muse.

2011-07-30T03:07:00.001+08:00

"You are my lust. You are my muse."

As If You Don't Know Me.

2011-07-30T03:04:00.001+08:00

"Hello, I'm Angus Baird and I am trouble."

Dream No More.

2011-07-26T23:07:00.000+08:00

"I used to be a dreamer, but now I'm not so sure."

Get Out Of My Way.

2011-07-21T01:16:00.002+08:00

"Fairy, fair her skin
glowing. Oh, dear my
broken wing. Unable
to fly off swinging.
May she hear my heart
singing. That sweet song
comes and goes, spinning.
Oh, time will you grant me a win?"

Old Stock.

2011-07-21T01:14:00.001+08:00

"I am a backlog. I'm still here because I'm not strong enough."

The Re-Beginning.

2011-07-13T00:50:00.002+08:00

"Found a new muse, and here I am, writing again."

What Love Is On A Fool's Day.

2011-04-01T03:12:00.000+08:00

"When you're prepared to make a fool of yourself in front of other people, that's love."

That Time When You Finally Realized.

2011-04-01T00:12:00.000+08:00

"You're old when you realized every single step that you took brought you to the same point, and the ability to laugh at it simply means that you're wise."

Of Leaving.

2011-03-31T22:38:00.004+08:00

It is befitting that I went back to the place that started it all. At the very table where I found writing, (or is it writing that found me? It doesn't really matter now) it is here that my first sentence began, in this very old bricks and mortar shophouse, Ah Beng's. Memories are aplenty here. Drunken binge started early, ended late into starry night.

"You'll never get old," the old man once said. "Let me be the only old man here. It is necessary for any place to have at least one elderly, and let me be the only one."

"I think I could be you, some day." Three years ago, I was so sure that I'd die here, in this very town. "It's nice to be the only elderly in the town, I guess."

"My son, trust me, your place is not here. You'll move on. And this place will become your memory. Good or bad, it's you to decide. Let see what's gonna happen. And if you happen to leave here, make sure you'll come here and let me know that you're going."

"I'd never leave. This is perfect."

"Nothing is perfect. Not even this town. It used to be perfect, or near perfect, but they are coming. The money started coming in and you know what's gonna happen. Come that day, I might not be able to sell liquor here anymore, we never know, Angus."

"I wanna be old here. I wanna die here."

"You're not gonna die. Trust me, this town will keep you alive."

Indeed, this town has kept me alive. They say memory is only good when you don't have to worry about your broken past. I think this town sums it all perfectly, this is what I'd love to call a memory.

One Last Kiss To The Town.

2011-03-30T01:51:00.001+08:00

It has been three years since I started my living there in colossal madness of Tronoh. A town once considered so remote, now easily accessible via a good highway and train, whichever method much preferred is a matter of choice. I remember how beer, vodka and Xanax keep me strong there. The night can get chilly there. The weather is unpredictable at its best. Nonetheless, the town was my safe heaven. No one can find me there. They know that I’m there, but making a journey there is quite troublesome for many, I guess, so nobody ever reached me; the part which I love most about the town. You will not find your love there, but you will fall in love with that charming little town. It better be that way, I believe. Three years on I surrounded my life with books, with ample times enough for me to think about what’s going on my life and indulge in my habit of intense drugging and boozing in the comfort of my room. No one is bothering me there. I was living the life of a twenty-year old. For that, I’m thankful. Nothing can take this experience from me. People might confuse this with freedom, but hell this is not the case. Freedom is something else. Freedom was achievable in the first year there, easily. Up until they started to know my name and where I live, that’s when I felt my freedom has been robbed from me. That explains my frequent weekend excursion to the city. Last year has seen a spike in my visit to the city. I restarted the life that made me leave for Tronoh. Life surrounded with people, with ghosts. I voluntarily walked among the many ghosts of the city. Jaded, introspective, nerd of the city. Ghosts undead by the harsh conditions of the metropolis, all of us know one have to be strong here in the city. You fall million times here and you must come back up quick here. Karma acts in a different strange way here. Zero tolerance. I think I’m ready to move back in. Tronoh has been kind enough to give me the much needed solitude. The city awaits me now. Ready to give me a kick for leaving it for the past three years when one day, without notice I packed everything and left believing I had failed. Foolishly. Maybe I should’ve left in the first place. It’s funny how I found comfort among these ghosts now. I remember back then when every single turn that I took brings me to the same destination here in the city. Now, it seems the direction that I took three years ago, which pointed me towards Tronoh, still brings me here, in the middle of this city, right where I belong. I am finally back. Bring it on, city karma! Kick me hard like you’d always do. Give me the madness. I’ll make sure that you’re not the winner, this time around.

On Difficult Night.

2011-03-29T03:30:00.001+08:00

"Be strong. Fret not. There's Xanax. Always."

Of Drunken Breakfast.

2011-03-29T02:36:00.000+08:00

"One of these days, both you and I knew,
you're gonna let me fuck you,
there's nothing you and I could do,
when the devil in us grew."

Of Heaven They Promised.

2011-03-27T02:38:00.001+08:00

"According to them and my understanding of their sets of belief, up 'til now I see none of us is going to heaven."

Hell Is Not A Bad Place, Actually.

2011-03-27T02:35:00.002+08:00

"Drink, fuck and be merry. For we are nearing the end. Nobody's right, you and I both know that. So that makes us all wrong. Do it. Drink, fuck and be merry. Hell is not a bad place, actually."

Mad Hot For A Vagina.

2011-03-27T02:28:00.002+08:00

"I'd say stop chasing her,
I'd say ask her out instead,
and fuck her. Spank her butt
a little. Go deep. Go very deep.
And finish it all off. Burst it all
in her face. Let her feel
the heat. Let her feel your heat.
Let her be hot. I'd say,
let her be hot, and let you be mad."

Bitter Karma.

2011-03-27T02:25:00.001+08:00

"With all bitterness, if karma is a bitch, I'd certainly love to fuck her. All night long."

Mad Night.

2011-03-27T02:21:00.002+08:00

"Tonight is a crazy night. The night when everyone is out and I am staying in with my beer and madness."

Lucky.

2011-03-10T02:10:00.000+08:00

"Leave it all there,
I'll pick them up later.
Life is about picking up
what you had left behind.
Leave it all there,
I'll pick them up later,
and there are chances that
someone else might pick
it up for you. If you're lucky."

We Are The Clown.

2011-03-10T02:03:00.000+08:00

"Every single one of us is a clown. Some with mask on, most, without."

Infinite Madness.

2011-03-10T01:43:00.000+08:00

"We're crazy, Angus."

"You're crazy. All the time. I am good, sometimes."

"And when is that you are good?"

"I'm good when you're crazy. Crazy, crazy."

"You love that word crazy, don't you, Angus? You need to say it twice. Crazy, crazy."

"Yes. I think you're crazy, crazy."

"No, I am not."

"Yes, you are. Look at you."

"I don't need to."

"And why is that, baby?"

"Because I see myself in you, Angus. We are one."

"You're crazy, crazy."

"Fuck me, Angus baby."

She's right. We're crazy.

We're crazy, crazy.

Eating & Drinking, Naked With Only Our Socks On.

2011-03-07T02:14:00.003+08:00

"I'm going out for a pint."

"Can you please stay home tonight?"

"Aren't you going to work tonight?"

"I don't feel like going to work."

"Why so, honey?"

"I'm tired."

"Everyone single one of us is tired. This is life."

"But not you."

"I am tired, trust me, I am. But I hide it well."

"You don't have to hide it from me, baby."

"I don't have to, but it's automatic."

"You don't have to, I'm here for you, baby."

"I know, honey, I know. I love you."

"I love you too, baby."

"Do we have something in the fridge?"

"I think we have some beer in there."

"I'll go out and buy some wine and something to eat."

"You gonna come back, baby?"

"Sure, honey. I'll bring food and we can go eat on the balcony."

"Can we eat naked, baby?"

"Sure, honey. We can have it naked on the balcony."

"Promise you'll be back soon, baby?"

"Of course, honey. Wait for me."

"I'm gonna take a shower while you're out."

"You do that, honey. You do that. I'll be back."

A Great Depression.

2011-03-07T02:07:00.003+08:00

"You know what I'd love to do, Angus? I'd love to talk and talk and talk and talk 'til the sun rise. We've been through a lot this weekend. Don't you think?"

"I don't know. We made it through, I guess. No sex, honey?"

Go Go Bar.

2011-03-07T01:54:00.004+08:00

"She is great
and so does him.
That's what he thinks
of her,
but that's not the case
for her.
You know, you have to walk
in her shoes to understand
her, really.
That's what she said.
He knows, that he might not
be perfect, but still
he thinks he's inches away
from being perfect
if not all perfect.
You know, the problem in any relationship
is not knowing what your partner thinks
of you, and then comes the assumption.
You assume that she is satisfied.
She assumes that he will satisfy her.
He assumes that she never fucked someone else
behind his back. But, in fact,
she just went out, had a jolly good time and now
fucking someone so great.
Hey, you can't really
blame him. She made the right choice.
She made the right choice.
You know, that's my assumption."

Crazy, Crazy.

2011-03-04T13:54:00.002+08:00

"Angus, don't. She's crazy."

"I'm crazy too."

"She's crazy, crazy, you know what I mean?"

"I'm crazy, crazy too. I am a madman."

"You're stubborn, Angus."

"Let's see if she has that trait too in her."

"She's gonna break your heart, trust me."

I was stubborn. And she did break my heart.

Be Polite, Gentlemen.

2011-02-28T02:48:00.001+08:00

"She's an actor." said the bartender.

"I know, I saw her on TV. Rene adores her."

"She told me earlier that she would love to talk to you."

"I don't do talking. Not tonight."

"What's wrong with you, Angus?"

"Nothing. I just don't feel like talking tonight. Gimme another pint, please."

"There she comes."

"Ask her to go away."

"How do I say that to someone like her?"

"Simple. You tell her to meet me in the men's room. Tell her Angus wants to fuck her."

"Maybe you should try telling her that yourself."

"Tell me what?" she says.

"I told this man here to tell you that I'd love to fuck you tonight, back in the men's room."

I got what I wanted that night. Minus the talk that she wanted.

She did scream, though.

A Major Turn-Off.

2011-02-28T02:29:00.003+08:00

"You look different."

"I'd just shaved. No more Hemingway-ish bearded guy."

"No, it's not that. You don't look worried anymore. It's like someone had just lift the burden on your shoulder. You don't have the worried face of yours anymore."

"Really?"

"Yes, you do."

"I think I've to grow it back, the beard."

"Maybe you should, Angus 'coz I feel like someone else is fucking me right now, you minus the beard just don't seem to hit my spots."

"Fuck you, Diana! I'm going to get some beers. Do you have any in the fridge?"

I walked naked to the kitchen and I could hear her, laughing inside the room.

The Same Dream, All Over Again.

2011-02-21T05:09:00.002+08:00

"This should be fun."

"It is alright."

"I want that thing in your hand."

"You want this?" she opened her right hand, there was a small pin on her palm.

"Yes, I want that. I wanna keep that forever."

"No, dear. You can't have it. I'm sorry. This is for someone else."

"Can I hold it for a while."

"No, you can't. You might steal it. I know you and I know you will steal it from me. From him."

"I did steal it, didn't I?"

"Long time ago."

"Since then, what did you do?"

"I had since move on, dear Angus." She continues,

"And, maybe you should too. Stop trying to steal this thing again, please."

And They Turn Us All Into A Killer.

2011-02-21T04:57:00.002+08:00

"Hey, Mark, you wanna go out for hamburger?"

No answer.

"Mark, come on, do you wanna go? I'm going out now."

Still, no answer from the kid.

"What the kid's doing? His hands are kinda glued to the phone. Is he texting some girl now?" I asked Rene.

"Nah. He's just playing the game."

"Ahhhh, that game where you catapult the bird to kill the pigs?"

"Yeah. Angry Bird, Angus baby. Angry Bird."

"Never let me play that game, honey, 'coz I might turn into one Angry Baird. I'm going out. You need anything?"

"Nah, I'm fine."

I can see her eyes were sharp on the tiny screen of her phone. My Rene's also got caught up in killing the pigs. Everybody is a killer, now. Everybody is. They want us to kill, kill and kill.

Have You Ever Wonder Why They're Together?

2011-02-21T04:49:00.002+08:00

"It's because she thinks nobody can ever loves her the way he does."

What Was Once Lost, Now Finally Found.

2011-02-19T05:28:00.004+08:00

'We wrote in sadness,
we wrote in madness,
often we wrote drunk,
sometimes we wrote slowly,
but steadily. Nothing,
will ever stop us,
I say nothing will
ever stop us,
for we are the madmen,
mad, drunken men, all going
fast against time."

The Bar On The Thirteenth Floor.

2011-02-18T04:01:00.003+08:00

"Let him jump."

"No, Angus. I can't let him do that. You crazy bastard."

"Let him jump."

"No. I must stop him."

"Trust me. He wants to be happy. Let him jump. He'll thank you later. Help him. Stay here."

"You're one crazy motherfucker, Angus!"

"He's unhappy here, Simon."

He ran and stopped him from jumping off the building. He'd saved him. That man looked sad. Of not being able to die today. He didn't want to be saved. Trust me, I know. I've been feeling that kind of sadness for so long.

Twisted Mind.

2011-02-12T05:51:00.000+08:00

"I am twisted, I am alright."

And Then You Came Flying...

2011-02-10T03:27:00.002+08:00

"Dawn. Hot steamy coffee.
Reading and suddenly I paused
to whisper into the wind.
Fly... fly into my heart
like I flew into your dream.
And then you came flying...
you came flying straight into my heart.
I don't know what to do,
when wish came true, I bet,
everybody knows not what to do."

Dear, Beautiful Creature.

2011-02-09T03:50:00.000+08:00

"God knows how much I'd love to spread your legs right now and eat that thing in between them."

Of Foamy Beer & Sexy Legs.

2011-02-09T02:27:00.004+08:00

"She's nice," says the bartender.

"I'm sorry. Who?" I asked him.

"The one at your table." He said with a glance at my table. I glanced at the tap, his hands working dexterously pouring my pint. A good foamy beer I am getting here, I think. He's a pro, no doubt about his pouring skill. This could be my new hangout.

"Ahh, Suzanne. She's from my past life. We used to go to the same uni. We partied hard back in the day. I dropped out and she went on to date another guy, graduated, got married, feels bad about the marriage thing and now seeking a divorce."

"What's with you and these women?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'm like their safety net? You tell me."

"Safety net?"

"They're just tired of the idea of perfect men. Sadly, they realized it too late. They date 'coz they think I am safe. I got nothing, therefore I got nothing to lose. They know I don't want their money. I am a free man. I got a lot of free time. A good conversation is all that they need, and with me they can have that. Nice, simple conversation like what we're having now. Excuse me, but I need to go entertain my lady, sir."

"The pint is on the house, Angus."

"Thanks, mate."

Last night, I was served with a perfect pint and a beautiful lady. All I did were lend her my ears and offer her my words. Ain't that what we all want? One night of simple conversation and good sex. Life as it is now, seems pretty perfect for this miserable man.

Big Gun And A Naked Woman.

2011-01-31T00:06:00.000+08:00

This is a story about
a man who wrote tales upon
tales of madness, of sorrow,
of bars and women.
Women all around the country,
throwing themselves at him.
Naked tits and smiling pussies, if one writer
is capable of pulling so much
groupies, this is the man.
Vodka, scotch, rum and pint,
he drinks with no one,
he dances with no one.
He runs with no one. Alone,
at the corner of the bar,
admiring the beauties,
in pretty dresses, with their wealthy man
who cant really fuck them well,
and these women, they came to him
dropping their room number
so he can ride them whenever their man, old like a granddaddy
who cant really fuck them well,
is not around. Some mad lives,
he'd been living, yet all he wants
is to die. This is a slow death,
says him. He wanted it fast.
He wishes for a woman,
with a big gun in her hand,
ready to say to him,

"Now, fuck me and finish it, after
that I'll blow this thing
through your brain."

Everybody wants to die fast.
And that includes him.

Of The Verdict.

2011-01-12T17:08:00.003+08:00

"By now, I presumed that most of you must know that I am currently having trouble finding my way back into writing. I might be wrong but that is the best presumption I could make judging from the quality of my writings lately. I am in fact struggling here, in all aspect of my life. Money wise, all of you know where am I standing, I am a poor man. I can't afford to travel, I couldn't afford to buy fancy clothes and I do not own a fancy car. Owning a fancy car is out of question here because that is not something that I would do even if I have the money to burn. I don't fancy cars that much. I'd rather channel all it all on pussy, my fanciness. If you ask me what fancies me most, then you have the answer there.

Okay. I guess I've been struggling for quite some time now. I even struggled to finish the first paragraph above, but I think I managed to come out with something. Of high quality or low, I'll let all of you to be the judge. Fancy, eh? I know how it feels to be able to judge people. I mean, we do it in everyday lives, we tend to judge people all around us be it our parents, our friends or our foes. We are not tired of being judgemental because we are human. We indicted our judgement everyday, on every single thing we encounter in this world. Which brings me to a couple of questions, how far can this all go, is the verdict correct? And is it correct for us to judge?

I certainly do not know, and I am hoping that someone out there might have a definite answer."

Bloc.

2011-01-12T16:45:00.002+08:00

"Everyone is a hero in their own life story."

And this is my story. I don't write much lately. I hate the fact that I couldn't write when I'm all set sitting down in front of the screen trying to put words into a story. I mean the story is always there inside my head. Finding words to complete the sentence for any story, that's a problem. I write spontaneously. The stuffs you've been reading here, most of them were written when I'm sitting in front of the screen typing what comes into my mind at that particular time. It used to be easy. There were times when words flow easily and all I did was just type it all out. But now, it's not that easy, I must tell you. It's heartbreaking for me because this is the only thing in the world that I think I am good at. I am nothing when I don't write. Maybe the pressure is finally getting into me and it's starting to show its ugly effects on my writing. Today we're into the 12th day of the new year and I still didn't manage to come out with anything solid to be published. And it's killing me. It's killing me to see a blank page on my screen. I need to write. I need to present my readers good stories. I used to do that, there's no doubt about that. But now I'm not even sure if I am capable of doing any more of that. For all I have right now is an empty head staring blankly at the screen thinking where does it all gone? I need that ability to write back, so badly.

Scribblings From My Moleskine.

2010-12-30T21:13:00.002+08:00

Four tudung clad, body fully covered in track suit and long sleeve t-shirt girls playing in the water. On the right side of the beach from where I'm sitting, there's a loving couple kissing passionately.

*********************************************

Like beers, cheeseburgers are best enjoyed with sands between your feet during the sunset.

*********************************************

It's right what Chris Ross said in his book "Tunnel Vision", in travelling the minute you found your bearing at some strange places, it's the time for you to move on.

**********************************************

Poor miserable man,
travelled thousands miles,
trying in vain,
to find his soulmate,
but to no avail.
His life a mockery,
his pursuit is a dead end,
what more can be done,
poor miserable man.

***********************************************

The sunset
reminds me of her
my muse
she loves sunset
her favourite
time of the day
I reckon.
I agree
sunset is indeed
the best time
of the day
one day
somewhere
on a secluded beach
we gonna watch it together
with her head leaning
on my shoulder.

Domestic Traveller.

2010-12-30T21:08:00.003+08:00

"In domestic travelling, off the beaten track means avoiding shirtless local beach boys in a wet short and avoiding shirtless local beach boys in a wet short."

The Night I Slept On The Couch In A Different Living Room.

2010-12-30T20:35:00.003+08:00

I got back late into the night and found Rene sleeping on the couch with the television on. I switched off the TV and woke her up gently by patting on her left shoulder.

"Fay is back." I said to her. I had three beers back at the bar. Supposedly, those drinks could calm me down a little bit. It was quite a shock to find Fay finding her way back to my old apartment which I still until today keep for no apparent reason, knocking on my door, crying and begging me to accept her into my life again.

"Help me, God. Now I'm not sure what to do. I have you. And Mark. This is family. I am happy now."

"You can have both of us, me and Fay." Like Fay, Rene too has the ability of her own to bring shock to me. Right there in the living room, I was handed another shock. By an angel no less. The way she takes care of me makes me safe and calm, I didn't expect those words from her. If I take her words, I'll feel guilty to the grave. It's the sin I couldn't commit.

"No. I can't do that to you. I can't do that to Mark. I'm a sinner, but that, my dear is a sin I keep myself off committing. It's heavy that thing you suggested. Walking back here from the bar, I've made up my mind to be with you. I figure to be with you is the best decision I'd ever made in my life. To allow Fay back into my life and add her to our life is like stabbing you right into my heart, dear."

"Angus, listen here. You sure did melt me right there. Now go to sleep. You need a rest."

"Did I? Melt you? I guess, after all these days I sure still got the touch to melt any woman out there, ain't I?"

"You know what, Angus. This couch is indeed your bed for tonight, I'm locking the bedroom door. Good night, dear. Sleep outside, ya."

I might be living with a different woman now, but they still have a similar trait, jealousy.

Talented, No?

2010-12-30T20:28:00.002+08:00

"You don't need a talent to write. All you do is write word after word after word until they become a sentence."

It Doesn't Matter How You Do It, But You Have To Start It All Over Again.

2010-12-30T19:58:00.002+08:00

Life for me is about starting again. For someone like me, with countless failures in my life; I lost count how many times did I failed and what's the biggest failure I've experienced before because every single failure seems big enough for me to go straight for the booze trying to wash it out and forget about it in which I had also failed to do. Truth is the harder we fall, the harder it takes for us to get back up. The whole starting over process involved repeating and correcting some errors you did before. Because of the previous failures, it does tend to make you scared of making some important decisions in your life. It is that hard. Once I set my target in life to always get perfect ten, some says it was a perfectionist in me that made me set such a target so high it's impossible, so after realising that I'd failed I thought, well maybe eight was a reasonable target for me to achieve, but now it seems that even five is not reasonably realistic, not even three. Pessimistic now that I'd become, but you have to look at the life I'd had, the miserable one, life i'd had. Happiness is five minutes of drinking binge, when the alcohol subsided that's when the misery begins. Pardon me, but I'd made up my mind concluding that in this life of mine, it is impossible for me to be happy. I gotta be comfortable with this kind of life, and I did. I am now very comfortable with this. Some strength I got I don't even know where it's coming from. All I have to say is yes, I am very comfortable with this life. This miserable life.

Wandering Thought.

2010-12-30T00:02:00.001+08:00

"Often, great writing comes from a good thought. And a good thought always happen when you wander."

Yes And No.

2010-12-29T23:55:00.002+08:00

"Sometimes, I lied when I said yes. But never that I lied whenever I said no."

The Reason.

2010-12-21T15:51:00.001+08:00

"It ain't easy for me to open my mouth and talk. That's why I write."

His Whereabout.

2010-12-04T23:11:00.003+08:00

"I believe, I truly believe that by now you know where and how to find me."

The Empty Diary.

2010-12-04T23:00:00.005+08:00

"Someday, I'll turn this page into an empty diary, just because I wanted it to be that way."

The Incident.

2010-12-04T23:00:00.001+08:00

"Oh, well I just wanted you to know that it's fated."

Waking Up.

2010-12-04T23:00:00.000+08:00

"And what were your dreams, again?"

Random Man.

2010-11-30T22:23:00.001+08:00

"There's always one man who'll never get tired of waiting. And no, he's not a fool."

What Life Brings Us.

2010-11-24T07:19:00.002+08:00

"Beer brings happiness.
Beer brings happiness.
Beer brings happiness.
Life brings madness."

The Wrong Way.

2010-11-24T07:17:00.001+08:00

"There were three ways.
Two rights and one wrong.
Guess which way that I chose?
The wrong way."

I'm Not Gonna Lie To You.

2010-11-24T07:16:00.001+08:00

"I am sick.
I am sick and
you know it."

Hide & Seek.

2010-11-16T03:17:00.003+08:00

"Someday, somewhere,
you're gonna find me,
beer in hand, mad
at the weather,
mad at everything,
and it won't be pretty, surely,
the day you find me.
It surely won't be easy for me."

Take My Word For It.

2010-11-16T02:57:00.003+08:00

"This is bad.
Bad, bad karma.
You know, first rule of avoiding
karma from kicking
you in the butt is,
never dance with an angel.
Second rule of avoiding
karma from haunting
your peaceful night is,
never fuck with a beauty.
For she'll make you wanting.
For she'll make you fall.
For she'll make you love.
For she'll make you weak.
And when you're weak,
that's when your bad karma
comes kicking. All of them at once.
In full force they come.
Ghosts, haunting your night.
I've given you two simple rules to abide.
You don't have to learn it the hard way,
because I took it for you.
Make your life a simple one.
Trust me. Take my word.
And you're gonna be fine."

You'll Never Know.

2010-11-15T03:40:00.002+08:00

"There are many secrets
attached to his name,
the mysterious man of the past
is making a comeback, they say.
The truth is, you'll never know."

Run.

2010-11-11T22:12:00.002+08:00

"So, tell me how fast can you run?"

"Fast enough. Why?"

"I just want to know. You know, I'm tired of women running away from me. I am old and drunk. If you decide to runaway, I don't have that much energy to run after you anymore."

"Don't you worry, Angus, I won't leave you."

"Those words. Those words were the exact same words I heard from each and every one of them on the first night."

"I'll leave you my number after sex."

"That's fair enough."

"So, are you gonna fuck me or not?"

"Take me home, because I have nowhere to go tonight."

"Then, you won't need my number, because you'll know where to find me after tonight."

Clever. Young and beautiful.

This Is One Call That If It Turns Out Well, Then It's Not Good.

2010-11-11T22:05:00.003+08:00

I called her the next morning.

"Hello, Fay. How you doing?"

"Go away. Lose my number. I don't wanna hear your voice. I don't wanna see your face."

She hung up. She was mad at me. That's a sure sign that everything's gonna be alright. I do hope that everything's gonna be alright. Honestly.

Nickname.

2010-11-11T21:59:00.003+08:00

"She gave me this nickname,
a former asshole.
I think it was cute.
Now I am not sure. No.
I would like to rephrase that.
I am still pretty much an asshole.
If you heard stories about me,
stop wondering, believe it.
For they are all true. Yes.
I am still pretty much the same
asshole you used to know."

The Night The Dream Ended.

2010-11-10T01:31:00.004+08:00

"One thing you've got to know. I was hurt."

"I'm sorry, Angus. Please forgive me."

"Your apology is a very simple thing for me to accept. That's how special you are, Fay. You have that special right to come and go into my life. I remember the day you came running into my arms and I had watched you run away from me right into him. And now, you're back I don't have a clue of what I'm gonna do next. God knows how I'd wish I could just slam that door right in front of your face that night, but I just can't, there's something inside me holding me on from doing something like that. And that thing is called love, my dear."

"I love you, dear. I'm sorry for everything. Being away from you, I suffered. I don't want that anymore. All I want is one more chance, Angus. Please, I beg you."

"My thirst, my sleep, my wandering and my loneliness, by God, I swear there's only you that I can give my full loving to, but I am with Rene now. You need to understand that I've changed. I'm trying to be a good man now. I'm trying to be a good father. At least, gimme the chance to change, Fay. I've been waiting for you, but you'd wasted too much time with him, precious time which we could happily had spent together. It was your choice to be with him, for that I hold no grudges. Please forgive me, my dear, for I have no choice. I love you, God knows how deep my love is for you. The circumstances just do not allow us to be together now."

"Will you ever come back?"

"The future is not for us to know, Fay. Give me up, dear. Let me go the same way I had let you go. I know it hurts. Trust me, I know best of how bad it can get to be left behind, but you must be strong. You must be strong, my dear. You shall get through this. We will get through this. I would love to believe that. There's gonna be someone. And surely, he'll be better than me, trust me, dear you're gonna marry a better man. Please don't waste your time on me, not anymore. You deserve someone better."

"Angus, please."

"Goodbye, Fay. I'm moving out of the apartment soon. Please do not try to find me again."

I walked with a heavy heart out of the bar, my heart was sinking. There she was, crying her heart out at the bar we used to sit, where stories used to be shared, all the laughter and joy. I was leaving behind the love of my life; tearful in sorrow. My precious lover. Life ain't easy. Our love was a complicated tangible evidence of it. I love her, for sure and God knows it's only her that I can give my love to. I walked away with tears and memories no drinks could possibly help to wipe off. All I know is I have to be strong and keep on believing that something good will come out of this. All I need is a little time to wake up. Tomorrow does not need to come too soon. I've lost the most precious thing in life, and the future looks bleak.

Retracing Self.

2010-11-09T14:17:00.005+08:00

"Like a river flow down the high mountain
to the sea of life,
like continual traffic on a city road
in the central business district
on any busy day of the midweek,
like a wave that never failed
to hit the rocky shores, day in day out,
forcing their way from coast to coast,
not really knowing what's really there
in the final place, they pushed through,
for change is inevitable, river flow to give life,
people in the car moving to either cash in or lose it all
in one hell of a business transaction,
wave hitting the big black rock slowly the big black rock
falls into pieces, the same wave that hit it brought its pieces into the deep and vast ocean. Some part of you you'll never be able to find again."

Halting State Of Being.

2010-11-09T14:14:00.001+08:00

"Halt the game,
stop the action,
walk away, now.
Truth is, we'll
never be good enough.
Never."

A Conversation.

2010-10-22T05:22:00.004+08:00

"You're repeating yourself. That's a sure sign that you need to stop writing, maybe for a little while. Go out and see the world. See the world beyond the bar and madness," says Dan over a cold one at the bar. Dan, a broker, the so called financier, we go way back. He used to pay me to write. Mostly propaganda, it is no secret as to what he aspires to be. It's a fair deal, I write good things about his organization, and in return he helps me pay the rent and the booze.

"Hold on a second. A world beyond bars and madness? It doesn't even exist."

"Says you. It does exist. You're restricting yourself and it's affecting you and your writing. Go back and read your own stuffs. You're concentrating on sorrow. I want something new from you. I wanna read something different from you. Something that shows me that you're happy."

"I am no good happy. I write well in sorrow."

"Please, give it a try. Go on the road. Write a journal. Or something like that."

"Someone's done it before."

"Have you read it?"

"No. I don't wanna waste my time reading anymore. I wanna spend my time sleeping and drinking. I wanna get fat."

"There's no good book around nowadays, eh?"

"I'd rather spend my time driving around the city at three in the morning than read some bullshit written by thwarts who couldn't even write. You know, men like me, we don't read. Okay maybe we used to be an avid reader, but after some time spent reading in an empty room, we can clearly see how things work in this world, we became an observer. And what we know, from our reading frightens us. Men like me, we're stuck. We're tired of living in this world, yet we cannot die, because we're afraid of dying. We read about life, all the stories ever written were about living. We have no idea, not a tiny bit, of dying. We know everything about life, from the books but very little about afterlife because no one can simply write about something he did not experience first hand. A good fiction is something that came from the author's life experiences. If he does not live the experience one must have a very good imagination to come out with quality fiction. Only few writers are capable of doing that. And they're the genius."

"I think you're one of them genius."

"Genius can be a dangerous word to describe a man. I'd prefer a mad man. A mad man is never a threat. A lunatic with a pen and paper is never harmful, but a genius with a pen and paper, you might end up in jail. I don't wanna be in jail. It's too lonely in there. Send me to the asylum instead and I'll write 1000 pages worth of material that could earn me a decent living."

"Angus, my friend, trust me, you're one crazy, lunatic, genius, mad man. And that was a compliment."

"Buy me more beer, please, Dan. That's all I need to live. You can't be drunk with compliments, can you?"

The Art Of Winning.

2010-10-21T03:39:00.002+08:00

"You can win a man's heart with a good tongue action, down there. That's the best way to win any man, I reckon."

Of Joy And Sorrow.

2010-10-21T01:25:00.002+08:00

"Share your joy. For your unshared joy could be someone's sorrow."

The Guidance.

2010-10-21T01:24:00.000+08:00

"Take my words. It'll guide you through hell."

Fear.

2010-10-21T01:23:00.000+08:00

"Most people fear something that they don't really know. Me, I'm always afraid of what I know."

The Coming Of Age.

2010-10-19T14:42:00.000+08:00

"Be a man. That the least you can do, 'coz all the hero spots are taken."

Thing I Am Quite Used To.

2010-10-18T02:47:00.004+08:00

"I'm a loner. And I'm doomed to be lonely forever.
I speak for lonely people here and there.
Because I know how it's like
to be lonely. But I'm not afraid
of loneliness, not anymore,
for I'm quite used to it.
In this life, we're known to be
afraid of the unknown, and
in my case, it's happiness.
Happiness troubles me, for
I'm not quite used to it.
My senses can't react to it.
It's something my body can cope well with.
And it's crazy. I think it's crazy for you
to be happy when you know you're doomed to be lonely forever."

The Separating Theory.

2010-10-18T02:36:00.002+08:00

"There's one thing that separate me from this world, and it's called eccentricity. Likewise, there's one thing that separate you from the rest of the world, and it's called arrogance."

This World Can Break You.

2010-10-18T02:31:00.003+08:00

"This world can break you, no doubt.
I've seen men pray
when they are hungry,
never when they are angry.
I'd say men should pray
when they're angry,
because it calms you down."

The Special Brew.

2010-10-13T04:55:00.000+08:00

"There's nothing in this world save for a good brew."

Truth About Me.

2010-10-13T04:17:00.003+08:00

"I might be a good guy.
I might as well be a very bad guy.
Truth is, you don't really
need to know that. Saints or sinners,
I do not belong to either party.
I'm that type of man that surely
gonna go straight to hell,
no matter how good or how bad I am."

The Beauty Of Coming And Leaving.

2010-10-12T04:37:00.002+08:00

"I heard a faltering sound
from the distance. It
finally stopped right
in front of me. A big
car, old, rusty body.
Out came a lady,
a very familiar face
from the past, from
the miserable past.
I feigned happiness upon seeing her,
for a woman from the past
who broke every single vow
that she made and ran away with him,
only to come back for forgiveness.
Life was never easy for me, but
I forgave you the minute you walk away,
that was what I said to her.
She cried, I took her to the bar,
we drank and we made love.
The next morning, she left again."

Silent Night, Watery Eyes.

2010-10-07T03:22:00.004+08:00

"There were times when you think Kierkegaard, Gibran and Camus might play a part in helping you get through terrible nights, but actually it was the thought of suicide that really helps you survive. And those beers and vodkas, as well."

I Gave God A Call Because I Wanted To Buy Happiness.

2010-10-07T03:06:00.003+08:00

"I would've done the same if I were you"

"What did I do?"

"You were drunk. And you dialed God from your mobile trying to reach Him."

"Did I?"

"Yes. You did. I wonder what did he tell you."

"I remember he told me to drink more."

"Did He?"

"Of course. That's the easiest way to buy happiness."

Time Flies.

2010-10-07T03:04:00.000+08:00

"My smile is dead."

The Used To Be Undefeated.

2010-10-07T02:32:00.002+08:00

"I'm defeated. I look defeated. The man some said couldn't be defeated, has lost in his dire pursuit of love."

You Can Do Better Than Ask.

2010-10-07T02:28:00.002+08:00

"I reckon the world couldn't understand any hints anymore. All they wanted now is a definitive and straight answer. Well, it certainly doesn't work that way, my dear. What's inside my heart, remains in my heart. Hint is all I'm gonna give you, 'til you finally understood."

Body And Soul.

2010-10-05T04:21:00.003+08:00

"I wanna see you again."

"That's not going to happen, love."

"I know where to find you, Angus."

"I'm not gonna be here. I'm moving to a place far, far away from here."

"I'll find you."

"It's very hot in there. I must tell you."

"I'll commit enough sin to be with you there."

"Take that knife and stab it into my heart, my dear. Because living is too painful."

"And what's gonna happen to me without you?"

"You're gonna be fine, trust me, you're gonna be fine, my love. For my soul will always look after you."

Dear God.

2010-10-05T04:14:00.000+08:00

"Take me now. I think I'm ready for your hell."

Listen To Them, Love.

2010-10-05T04:09:00.001+08:00

"Because it's true what they've said about me. I am a total failure."

The Forlorn Angels Of Destitute.

2010-10-05T03:55:00.005+08:00

"Always took the blame for our broken fortunes."

For All The Mistakes That I Did.

2010-10-05T03:44:00.004+08:00

"I'm now living with a drag on my feet and a sinking heart."

Pull The Trigger, Dear.

2010-10-01T04:54:00.003+08:00

"You look real.
Please tell me you are.
Hands in black leather glove,
gun on the right hand,
finger on the trigger ready to shoot.
Tell me you are real, so that I know
you'll pull the trigger
and send the bullet
straight into my eye."

A Constant State.

2010-10-01T04:51:00.001+08:00

"The only thing constant in life is misery."

Angus Baird,
Tronoh.

Stepped Out.

2010-10-01T04:36:00.002+08:00

"Four AM, and wide awake,
happiness gone,
nothing good ever happen
after two, says someone
on TV. But there was
nothing good ever happened
before two, for me
the last time I checked.
Intense is the feeling
of misery, of loneliness,
of troubled soul, tortured.
Lost in the darkness of
the cold night. Flowers,
without colour,
dejected and failed, in love,
in life. Stepped out, suicidal
and a little insane. I mean,
not a little. Maybe totally,
insane."

Yet Another Goodbye.

2010-09-29T16:32:00.001+08:00

"All the best, Angus."

"Good luck to you too. So, I guess this is goodbye. So long and take care, beautiful."

"Goodbye, Angus."

I'm gonna miss you, beautiful. I really am.

Chasing The Shadow Of The Muse.

2010-09-29T13:56:00.003+08:00

"Past brought forward
makes it a present.
Lovely is your present,
I must say.
Rendering any talk
about the future,
rather useless.
Useless, is my chase
at the present time.
To grab shadow over soul,
constitutes such a giant failure."

Say.

2010-09-28T15:58:00.000+08:00

"Do not fall."